Dream 20040226, 7:00 AM:
I am at the Avenel house, but it is totally different; it’s not one of those dreams where the house is just different and it’s OK, it’s been changed. It turns out that Chris has done a total remodel on the house, moving windows, rearranging walls and cabinets, changing everything totally. It’s not upsetting to me in the dream, although I wander around feeling kind of lost and confused because I don’t know where anything is.
Maeven is here, I think, and I remember looking for something in the kitchen, and she told me that it was under a table; there are all these tables made from doors set on saw-horses, and I look for whatever I’m seeking in a bag beneath the table. I open several cabinet doors, all of which have been changed and painted and moved, and there is not much stuff in them; I think it’s all out on the floor for the painting.
Then, I go outside, except it isn’t like going outside the house, it’s like going outside an apartment, where there’s a hallway outside the units. The doors back into the house are odd, one of them is tiny and short, another is rounded. I think it has to do with the renovation like the rest. I open one of the doors, and it goes through into the house through a cabinet; the cabinet is open, and I can see into the house.
I go back into the house, then out into the back yard. Haddas and Jason are here, playing in a big fort-like playhouse that isn’t there in real life, but kind of reminds me of the treehouse out back. Jason points out that the horizontal siding on the playhouse is rotting off; he pokes it with his finger, and several of the boards fall off in a pile. I tell him not to do that, it needs to stay put together, although I know it’s falling apart.
Back inside again, Mom and Dad are here, and there is an Indian man sitting in the living room with a guitar. We all gather around, and he begins to play. He looks like a traditional American Indian, with long shiny black braids, although he is dressed more like an outdoorsman, in a flannel shirt and jeans. I notice that there is a light shining on him, and a bunch of lights behind my head, like the kind of illumination I’d want if I were trying to do detailed work or read fine print. I try to turn off the lights, reaching above and behind me trying to find the switches, but can’t manage to turn them off. Mom is upset with me about something, and I totally freak out and lose it, yelling at her. [In real life, my Mom and I are close, and I think that I can remember raising my voice to her, ONCE, when I was in high school.] I tell her that she and Dad should just get divorced, and Chris and I will break up, and we’ll just all go our separate ways.
Then, wandering through the now-empty house, I am looking for Chris. I am feeling sad and lonely, and finally find him in a bathroom. He’s standing at the sink as if shaving or trimming his beard, although I don’t recall any particular activity. I lean my head on his shoulder, and he reaches up and pets my cheek. I feel very sad and worn out.