Dream: "My own thoughts made visible LUCID"
This was a fun, cool dream. I’m so happy that I’m getting some success with this particular incubation, and finally got a lucid dream with it!
Dream 20031217, 6:00 AM:
I wake, very groggy, and find myself lying in the blue bedroom at the Kingwood House [The house I grew up in. In reality, it’s in a city four hours away, now.] I realize that this means I’m likely dreaming a false awakening. The thing that often frustrates me about these false awakenings is that I am too groggy to move, or even really open my eyes much. I think it’s because my body fights with its own sleep paralysis. This time, I decide to see if I can spin. I can’t stand up or even sit, but I visualize myself spinning in space, which seems to work. Although the scene doesn’t change, I’m now able to get up, and I run through the empty house to the front door, open it, and go out into the yard and begin to fly. I tell myself that I want to find one of the Granny Women, and ask her to bless my hands. It’s one of the things I’ve been working on incubating. I am proud of myself for remembering my intention so clearly! I wonder how I’m going to find her, and tell myself that she’ll be in a house with a bright purple roof. As I fly upward, I remark to myself that I’m building visualizations of the trees, the houses, and the neighborhood based on my ground-focused understanding. Although the dream doesn’t have the startling level of reality I sometimes get in lucid dreams, my level of consciousness about the dream state seems particularly high.
I fly over the neighborhood, looking at the houses, trying to find the bright purple roof that I have decided on as an indicator. I don’t see what I’m looking for, and keep flying for quite a while. My flight is in an upright, nearly standing position, sort of swimming through the air, but without a lot of effort. The houses seem to shift and change, almost under my eyes – I try to shift one to a purple roof, but it doesn’t want to do that. I keep flying. With a start, like I’ve tripped over something while I wasn’t looking, I wake in bed [for real.]
Without moving, I lie very quiet in the bed, to see if I can get back into dreaming. After a little bit, it works. I find myself back in the same position, in the blue bedroom again. This time, I feel a little more awake, though. I jump up, again run through the house to the front door and take off into the air. I decide that this time, instead of going over the neighborhood and trying to find a house, I’ll head back over the thicket [which no longer exists, in real life] behind the house. I fly up through the tall pines, looking at the moon. The moon multiplies, and I’m looking at a number of celestial bodies; it looks kind of like the moons of Saturn now. There are five or six of them. They have a peach-like color, like the Hunter’s moon, and I remark to myself that they’re very beautiful. The sky around them is bright, as if lightly cloudy.
I find myself going through a large, barn-like building. It’s kind of inside-outside, almost like an airplane hangar; the sense of space is so large that it’s like being outside, but I’m no longer among the trees. Several fleeting images seem to vie for my attention; it seems like they’re subconscious fragments trying to derail the dream and take it off in a different direction. Attractive men, although kind of ghostly, grab at me; they are different types, one is a hot Greek, another is a hairy Daddy type, etc. I disengage myself, slipping out of their grasps, and it’s almost like a dance. I am singing, and it seems like a number out of a musical – it’s something about how “this is not what I’m looking for now.” I can’t remember the words now, but they were running through my head when I woke up.
I find myself in a shop. There are several people here, and the shelves and walls are full of sex toys and “adult novelty” type stuff. Again, I think it’s my subconscious fighting the lucid dream – this happens a lot to me. One staff person is yelling at a clerk, something about, “This is about customer service… now service this customer!” and pushing the clerk to his knees in front of a standing customer. I laugh, and realize that the dream is becoming distracting and I’m losing track of my goal. I look around, and find a staircase leading up (upward motion in my dreams is often more about adjusting attitude, than altitude) and I walk up the staircase and out of the store.
At the top of the stairs, I find myself outside, on a flat high place, like the top of a plateau or a hill. There is some stonework here, and I meet a slightly mussed looking middle-aged woman, who invites me to sit down with her. She reminds me of Helena Bonham Carter’s girl/witch character from Big Fish, which we saw last night. She sits on one side of a small stone altar or table, and I sit across from her. She talks for a while, and I can’t remember now what she said, but I remember it was something about how to dance and howl. As she talks, I watch her, and she shifts to an almost clay-mation looking person, and then to a stylized version of cat-headed Bast, but with long braids. Now, she looks like a little terra-cotta statuette about ten inches tall, although still moving.
I realize that although she may represent a face of the Goddess, she’s not the particular type of older crafty woman that I was trying to connect with in this dream. I take my leave, and find another upward-bound staircase.
At the top of this stair, I find myself inside again. There is an old woman, looking much more like the grandmotherly type I have been seeking, sitting at a sewing machine. I watch her sew; she appears very concentrated on her work. The machine is a modern white plastic one, but the spool of thread on the top seems to be an antique steel bobbin, loaded with a heavy pink thread. She is sewing on something that looks like a deer skull; not an applique or embroidery piece, but a three-dimensional skull. She has white hair, and is wearing half-glasses. I walk up to where she is working, and ask if I can sit with her; she points at a padded brown folding chair beside the sewing end of the machine, facing front. I sit down, and quietly watch her work for a moment. I ask her what she’s sewing on, and she replies, “My own thoughts, made visible.” I wake up. *end*
All Works According To Plan
I’m still ambivalent about lucid dreaming. I see waking (lucid) consciousness is like a radio or TV which is ok for playing consciousness but does not really run any intelligent software. Dreaming is all about subconsciousness. I see the intelligence(s) in my subconscious as being far superior to anything in waking consciousness. Dreaming is my dialog with these other levels of consciousness.
This attitude is changing with recent practice. The main work of my waking consciousness is cultivating deeper awareness of my “waking” conscious states. I find that the work I do here does express itself there.
Your dream paralysis issue or feeling groggy in the dream makes perfect sense. I call these “transit problems”. Cultivating deeper awareness of this transition is definitely useful.
I find the familiarity of your experience here interesting and a bit exciting. I have not known many who can dream at this level and tend to think of my own experience as somewhat unique.
Re: All Works According To Plan
I have found that lucid dreaming is often much like conscious meditation, in that the deeper, subconscious stuff doesn’t go away, but you can access it from a different angle. I think that if I were *only* able to dream lucidly, it might lose some of its value – if I had to consciously make every decision, I wouldn’t be getting in touch with the deeper levels.
Although I do enjoy the fun aspects of lucid dreaming (flying, sex, sensual pleasure, adventure) they eventually get kind of stale, and I find myself wanting to do more serious inner-work.
I’ve been working on getting in touch with these archetypal aspects of self through a number of ways: I spend time with real-life elders when I get the chance, I do a lot of visualization and meditation, and I read and experience them as characters and creators in art and literature. I feel like dreaming is just another way for me to work on this experience.
The sleep paralysis used to be a trouble spot for me – especially when I was looking at it from a perspective of out-of-body travel – but since I’ve learned to work through it, and have had a couple of successes like this one. In the past, I’ve had some terrifying non-lucid dreams with typical “Night Hag” content – trapped, paralyzed, monster, presence in the room – but have since learned to recognize this sensation and go back toward sleep rather than toward waking.
Re: All Works According To Plan
Oh yes, I am an old hand at Sleep Paralysis experiences! I’ve learned they are generally easily resolved if you try to “roll” out of your body when you feel stuck. I used to have to deal with a hooded astral nasty quite often until I resolved to roll out and kick his butt in his own playing field. Once I learned to do that, I’ve never seen him again.